Excessive pursuit of perfection is not easy feel loved

"People want a perfect performance in a number of things, this is not unreasonable. For example, in work, in order to become a good editor, good surgeon, you can not make mistakes," Everett said, "but if all other areas of life perfectionist, such as family life, appearance, dress, personal preferences, etc., it may be a problem. "

However, in many people's eyes, "a perfectionist," This hat is not ugly, the pursuit of perfection to achieve excellence. In fact, the pursuit of perfection and the pursuit of excellence is another matter.



Hewitt, illustrate the difference: He's a patient is a college student, always depressed. He hopes that his course has made a number of "A +" results, so he was after-school study hard and good performance in the classroom, and finally got his wish. But Hewitt some time to see him, found him more depressed, suicidal tendency becomes more apparent. "He told me, 'A +' just to prove how much he failed. If he is perfect, it did not need so much effort should be this kind of success," Hewitt said.



Many perfectionists do not think that the pursuit of self-perfection is a kind of morbid. University of California, Davis campus employee assistance consultant Yilisipu Luowosite recently organized a perfectionist impulses for the treatment activities. She said: "They have (the pursuit of perfection) of great pride. Community spoke highly of their pursuit of perfection, which has strengthened confidence in their continued pursuit of perfection."



Provost, said she often came across some cases with obsessive-compulsive symptoms: Some people can not stand clutter on the table, it was not to leave half of today's work until tomorrow, some people spend a lot of time to constantly rework, only to meet his own set objectives. These are already demanding a perfect performance in pathological.



In order to determine whether the pursuit of perfection almost pathological edge of Australia's Curtin University of Technology psychologist who has developed a questionnaire, including "My Everything under control, or is out of control?" "I get along with others is very good or very bad? "and other 16 questions. 252 experts to conduct surveys, asking them to address the above problems, to measure their own level. The survey chose more extreme answers, the more shows that they over-pursuit of perfection, the more likely to experience mental health problems.



　　May wish to learn to be lazy

If the perfectionists learn to develop realistic goals, will benefit a lot. Typically, a perfectionist who could not reach the established goals, such as finish the 800 meters, he will develop a higher target to compensate, so the next day he will strive to run 1,000 meters. Require a perfectionist standards to reduce self-it is very difficult, "because you ask them to do what they resisted," Hewitt said.



In his view, for the perfectionist to the treatment, should seek the right to find the source of the disease. "I am more committed to finding the reasons for the pursuit of perfection - is accepted, is the need for care," Hewitt said, "those who need interpersonal behavior is driven perfectionist reasons."



For example, some perfectionists who believe that if they did not perfect, no one loved. In fact, the real perfection can not be achieved, so they never feel loved. Flat said that they did not know, love not to achievement as the standard; learn to accept their own shortcomings and those of others will not lead to mediocrity, but the thoroughfare leading to a better life.



Provost conducted a pilot, she asked for restraint in the treatment group members perfectionist instincts, sluggishness set goals, learn to be lazy. "This is failure in their eyes can be a lot of people does not seem a big deal."



Therefore, it may work on time, not us occupied, all the rest time to rest, so that the piles of mess on the desk, allowing himself a few failed to complete its work as scheduled. "Then ask yourself: Are you subject to penalties for it? Life was normal? Are you not be more happy?" Provoost said, "they would be very surprised to find business as usual operation, had been very worried about the fact of the matter is not so important. "